THE PATHFINDER

Publication #FA-9

DIVORCE -- THE SENTENCE OF DEATH

 

The major portion of society has become immune to the atrocities running rampant today, and conditioning by the media can be held responsible for much of it. Nothing is restrained from the airwaves: murders, beatings, riots, burnings, looting, explicit sex scenes, dysfunctional families, and the list mounts. It is so common place that people are no longer shocked except for when it comes to children. The average person can watch the most heinous acts imaginable and never give it a second thought, but they go into a rage when they hear or see that a child has been abused, especially if the child was kidnapped, raped, or murdered. Given the opportunity, and if there was no fear of judicial reprisal, they would draw and quarter the person without blinking an eye. Risking their own lives, they would break down the gates of hell, if possible, and save the little ones.

At least half of these same noble would-be rescuers of the defenseless, however, are tormenting and killing their own children on a mass scale everyday and they seem to never consider it to any degree of importance. At such an accusation, some may retort with, "Tormenting our children, you say? Even killing them? What in the hell's name are you getting at?" Simply this:

When husbands and wives divorce, they not only divorce their mates but their children as well. They strike a death blow to their children for the selfishness of their own physical and/or psychological desires. When their libido is no longer satisfied with the mates of their youth; when wanton lust overrides the sensible principles of the marriage; when the selfish craving to satisfy the tingling nerve-endings that's been stimulated by inordinate affections has its vile sway; when spiraling imaginations sit upon the throne of emotions and rule over love and everything that is good in a marital relationship; when selfishness works its way to the final end; when whatever self-centered fancy rides astride one's mind and pulls the reins of ruin, namely -- DIVORCE -- that's a calculated decision of execution. That person becomes the judge, jury, and executioner of people's lives. He or she, in effect, PASSES THE SENTENCE OF DEATH UPON THEIR OWN CHILDREN, not to mention the spouse that they once loved and with which the life-for-life blood covenant was made!

The spirit of this age is rottenness to the bone, to the very fiber of morality and the core of humanity's being. Flesh running wild and it is all at the cost of the lives of our children and rejected spouses. You can't white wash it, you can't clean it up, you can't make it out to be anything else. IT'S LEGALIZED KILLING! IT'S THE SLAUGHTER OF THE INNOCENTS! IT IS THE SISTER TO GENOCIDE! People holler about killing whales, darter fish, and slugs; they scream out their protest, foaming at the mouth when trees are cut down that a spotted owl might want to roost in. They are forever picketing abortion clinics hoping to save a few lives of unborn babies they don't even know, while at home they are sentencing to death their own children. They are executing them with the brutal weapon called divorce. DIVORCE, people! One more time D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

Do you think it is not that serious of a thing, and perhaps I am being a little too harsh? Dear reader, we can't be harsh enough. When your marriage is falling apart, have you ever sat down long enough with your hurting children for them to bear their hearts? Have you ever taken the time to hear that crying voice that's interwoven throughout every word they speak? You may not see the wrenching pain in the eyes of their innocent faces, but if you could look deeply into their aching souls, beyond their guarded facade, you would see a confused, uncertain, disturbed, scared little child. You may feel justified in divorcing your spouse, saying that you have to "FIND YOURSELF." While you are finding your self(ishness), your children are being lost. Divorce devastates children (even grown ones), and it kills the spouse left behind too.

Let me tell you about a young boy of sixteen who was almost a victim of the sentence of death by divorce. Neither of his parents were home nights due to their work. He spent most of his time cruising town with his buddies, drinking cheap wine and beer, and just hanging out. It was not long before he was completely alienated from his parents. Life with his friends was what mattered to him. His home was only a place to eat and sleep, or a place to kick back and watch TV when he wasn't wiling away the hours with his friends.

After awhile, out of sheer boredom he and his buddies passed their time in a variety of "fun" things that landed him in jail several times. It was then that his parents realized their son needed help and was headed for some serious problems if he continued the way he was going, but there was another problem. By this time he did not want help. There was nothing in his life he wanted to change, except for the people of authority to just leave him alone; and the more his parents tried to help the more he saw them as an obstruction to his happiness.

He lived for nobody but himself. In his self-centered existence, rebellion rapidly developed. Rather than viewing them as sweet Mom and good old Dad, they were just two other people living in the same house who supplied his basic needs. He also got spending-money and a car when he wanted it. Even at that, to him, they seemed to always be hindering him from having fun, from doing what he wanted to do.

Then the bombshell hit divorce. Being so wrapped up in himself, there were things going on in his parent's lives that he was oblivious to. Due to marital problems, his mother had decided to move out and take the kids with her. You wouldn't have thought this hard and crusty, rebellious, independent teenager would have been affected by anything as trivial and common place as a divorce. More than half the married couples in the country were divorcing. Why should that bother him? He could still be running with his buddies, and without Dad around he would probably have more freedom than he had ever known. That was somewhat of a pleasant thought freedom from restraint that brass ring he had been striving for.

He continued to feel that way until the moment they drove away from home, leaving his father behind, and for the first time a flood of absolute hopelessness swept over him. Although the rest of his family was with him, he was alone and insecurity gripped his soul. His whole world, the real one, the one not made of fanciful whims, suddenly fell around him in a heap. The very foundation of his life, his mother and father together as the head of the family, was no more. In a sweeping moment, that which had made him feel safe was gone. His security, everything he had ever put any real trust in, had dissolved into nothing. The sudden impact of it felt like someone had hit him squarely in the chest with a mighty blow, and then there was that abiding pain of loneliness. The tough kid on the block was more sensitive to family values than he thought.

Traveling down that endless road to nowhere, he was wondering how he would be able to cope with not having his Dad around. Even though he did not have much of a relationship with his father, he knew he loved him dearly and already missed him more than anyone would ever know. After a while his Mom stopped the car, hesitated for a moment in deep thought, and began to turn around. Thinking she must have forgotten something at the house, he asked, "Where, are we going, Mom?" With fixed determination, she resounded, "WE ARE GOING HOME WHERE WE BELONG! And furthermore, WE ARE NOT LEAVING AGAIN!" His mother suddenly refused to give into her personal feelings of hurt and was determined to fight for the most precious thing in her life -- her husband, her home, and the lives of her children.

With a great shout from depth of his being, he said, YES! The boy then knew what it is to be resurrected from the dead. The stroke of death had gripped his soul, and the intensity of it increased with every mile they drove from his father; but the moment he heard those beautiful words, "We are going home where we belong," he lived again. Rather than running away from the problems they had, in determination, his parents began a new venture of loving each other and rebuilding their marriage. After many years they are happily married to this day.

If a near divorce affects a rebellious teenager like this, one who has disassociated himself from his parents, what do you think it does to those little ones who only know the sweet love of their Mommy and Daddy, and they are the only world they have? Please give this some serious thought.

There are not many kids who will talk about their pain as a result of their parents divorcing. It is common for them to be unable to put into words what they feel, or they are just too hurt to say anything. But once they do open up and release what is tormenting them so, there will be a flood of tears tears of pain, of frustration, of desolation, of confusion, of rejection, and even tears of anger. That is what those small, delicate hearts harbor, and by the time they are grown their soul will be so covered by scar tissue that it might be hard for them to ever love as they ought and they will continue the killing-cycle in their families.

The very strength and life of a nation is built upon the family. The joy of life is birthed out of homes filled with love. They are the glory of any nation. They are the harbors of rest. They are the bastions of safety. They are the ramparts of strength. But divorce will destroy their very foundations and bring them down in a heap. Before the nation dies, however, those tender children will die. If you want to kill a nation, just destroy the home. Should you desire to kill your children, then divorce your wife, leave your husband, live to yourself, and watch them die a thousand deaths.

Incest is becoming a major problem today, and most everyone deplores even the thought of it. People are repulsed when they hear of a father having an incestuous relationship with his darling girl or innocent boy, but they don't give it much thought when millions of children suffer death blows to their souls as a result of losing their parents through divorce. The adult's calloused perspective is not the same as the child's.

Pleas give the following some serious thought: In almost every case of incest, the child's greatest fear, according to statistics, is that their home will be broken up, that their father, or mother, will be taken from them by divorce or prison. Their fear of a broken home is much greater than the agony of incest being forced upon them by those they love.

This is not to give credence to the atrocity of incest, for it is one of the cruelest acts a parent can do to their own children. It is lowering the pure love of a father toward his dear child to the beastly, demonic realm of the lowest lust of the flesh; but from the view point of the child it is not the cruelest. THE WORST NIGHTMARE IN THEIR FRAIL LIVES IS DIVORCE. It rips them apart. It destroys the very root of their meaning of life. The two people in the world they have grown to trust are no longer standing with them. Their greatest desire is for Mom and Dad to love each other the way they love them. They want their parents to be happy and to live together with them. But all too often, the silent, pleading cry of the children go unheard or unheeded.

Jesus said something concerning this: "For this reason a man shall leave (behind) his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and cleave closely to her (permanently). And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has united -- joined together -- LET NO MAN SEPARATE OR DIVIDE" (Mark 10:7-9, Amplified). Do you understand what He is saying to us? Do you know how you and your wife become ONE FLESH? Do you think it is when you come together in a sexual relationship? Perhaps in a very vague way, but there is more. When the sperm cell impregnates the egg cell, that is the beginning of becoming one flesh. Once this happens a chain-reaction of events take place. Chromosomes and genes of each cell begin to share their life with the other. The male and the female, the man and woman embark on a nine month journey of becoming fused together; and when that baby is born every eye can see the O-N-E F-L-E-S-H, that God has truly joined them together. Neither the man nor the woman could do it. Only God could work such a wonderful work of joining every cell and fiber of the parents together forming one flesh called a baby. It is this FLESH that Jesus said we are not to separate, divide or tear apart, and divorce will do that. The child will be pulled in one direction to the father and equally toward the mother in the other direction. They are ripped apart to become another victim of execution of the society that looks so casually upon the most vicious weapon against children the world has ever known.

I know it is hard for people who are divorced or are contemplating such to hear these things; but is it as hard as what your children and your spouse suffer? I don't think so. I am not suggesting for you to "stay married just for the sake of the children" as we have heard so often said. But I am saying more. Stay not only for the sake of the children, but for your sake too. Make up your mind to love your husband, love your wife, while you are staying. Make it a haven of love, a paradise for you all. Don't just stay for the sake of staying. With every ounce of energy you've got, determine to love and DO IT. Your staying will then have some meaning. It will produce the good and proper foundation the children need in order to live life. But even if you never learn that wonderful love, a life with indifferent parents toward one another is better than only one parent, or a step-parent who couldn't care less about your children. It is a rare thing to find a step-parent who can truly love and care for the child like a parent.

Let me tell you something that may have never crossed the threshold of your minds. It is this: You were not born upon the face of this earth for your own pleasure. You were not planted in this garden to grow as a wild weed and do as you please. You were placed here for the Gardner's purpose. You were indeed given a mate for the pleasure of life, but it was not for your sole benefit. Your spouse, and then your children, were given to you to be raised up as glorious things in the sight of God and in the presence of the world. You were given these priceless things (husbands, wives, and children) for your growth, your happiness; for their growth, their happiness and for the glory of God. For you to take and cast it away like a dirty dishrag is doing spite to the Spirit of God's grace He has shown you. It is esteeming those things He prizes so highly as useless, unappreciated, and heaving them into the garbage dump of life, or pushing them back into His face with irresponsible contempt. It should not be that way. Please reevaluate the treasures that God has entrusted to you. Care for them with gladness. In doing so you and all your family will be filled with unspeakable joy; and in the process you will also be pleasing to Him and bring honor to His name.

The apostle Paul gives a graphic description of people in general at the end of the age: "But understand this, that in the last days there will set in perilous times of great stress and trouble - hard to deal with and hard to bear. For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate (greedy) desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffers)...ungrateful, unholy and profane. [They will be] without natural (human) affection (callous and inhuman), relentless admitting of no truce or appeasement. [They will be]...intemperate and loose in morals and conduct...[They will be]...inflated with self-conceit...lovers of sensual pleasures and vain amusements more than and rather than lovers of God" (II Tim. 3:1-3, Amplified translation).

The King James translation simple says, "Without NATURAL AFFECTION, TRUCEBREAKERS" (verse 3). Once the love that is natural to a person is gone it is very easy for them to be a trucebreaker, or better translated from the Greek refusal to pour oneself out, not willing to devote one's life in sacrifice for another. Paul also said in his letter to the Romans that people who forsake the very rudiments of God would be given up to passions of their own desires, and among other deplorable things they would be "...Without understanding, COVENANTBREAKERS, without NATURAL AFFECTION, implacable, UNMERCIFUL" (Rom. 1:31).

The fact is, those who do not love are cowards. Only the brave will love; for love costs something; namely, one's own life. It takes a brave person to die for another, to lay down his life for his wife and children, to give up momentary pleasures of selfishness for the welfare of his family. Moreover, when a man marries a woman for her beauty alone -- when the beauty of her youth fades so will his commitment. Men of this making are the most shallow of all men. Their own conceit swallows them like a consuming fire. Burning in their own carnal lusts for flesh, they look only to the outward shell of a person and never seeing the beauty that is so apparent to all others. Brave men who love can see beyond the fading beauty of the outward rose. They see the paradise, Eden, the Garden of God wherein beauty flowers all the time.

When a man and woman say their wedding vows they are making a covenant. The one who violates those things contained in that vow is a covenantbreaker, whether it is while living under the same roof, or in divorce. Covenantbreakers are lacking in natural affection, not only toward their spouses, but toward their children as well. It boils down to this they are unmerciful! If they had any mercy in their hearts at all they would forsake their own paltry desires and discontentments for those who rely upon them for the joy of life their husbands, their wives, and most of all their own flesh and blood, THEIR CHILDREN!

Jesus said that God had granted a writing of divorcement, but He also gave the reason; because of the HARDNESS OF HEART. If you for one instant do not believe that the choice of striking a death blow to your spouse and children is not the ultimate in the hardness of heart, you are deceived, willingly ignorant, or purposely evading the issue for the sake of your own desires.

If you don't know how to love your mate, or even if you don't think you can, there is hope. One thing that will help is a booklet I wrote entitled, "MARRIAGE THE HIGH CALLING". It is recommended reading for everyone, whether you are married or not. It is even good for those who have long-standing successful marriages, and it is free upon request. The following are some of the letters in response to the articles from which the booklet was written:

"Your publications on marriage are just what I needed. I had been looking around for a good book on marriage. Believe me, there is a lot of strange stuff out there. I thank the Lord for making me aware that you have publications on marriage. They showed me the Big picture, opened my eyes to many things that no book of this world could have shown me...." (Cheryl Tocco, Indianapolis, Indiana).

"Just want to say I enjoyed the papers on THE HIGH CALLING OF MARRIAGE. All I can say is, every family should read it. I mean, I myself got so very much from it, though I am not married, but still if I had known in early years maybe my marriage would have stayed. Only God knows. But I can learn much from this series. It brings out so much one never thought about. So thanks again for the papers." (Betty Fulsom, Okemah, Oklahoma).

"When I first started receiving your series on MARRIAGE, I wondered if there would be anything there for me. My husband died three and a half years ago and I plan never to marry again. To my surprise I discovered from reading them that God still had much to teach me about my relationship with my husband why some things were the way they were. I felt that my marriage was my greatest learning experience. Through it Father taught me much about submitting to Him.

"Although some things are painful to hear like I could have been a much better wife I am still grateful for the privilege of hearing. Now I must learn all that I can from my experience as a widow.

"My son got married on July 11th. He and his bride faced each other and spoke from their hearts what they vowed to each other. As I read your `HIGH CALLING OF MARRIAGE' I saw something wonderful! `If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus' (Rom. 10:9), the parallel was overwhelming!

"How clear it is to me. We are entering into marriage with our Lord and the relationship will be the same (only better) as is the relationship of husband and wife. I was so thrilled with the understanding of this, and in shock, I understood that now I was hearing Him call me into the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. I cannot begin to tell you all that I saw how we really marry Him we even take His name!

"Your analogy of the combination of His Spirit and my spirit being fused together, forming one new spirit was wonderful! Just as I was drinking this all in and rejoicing over having received so much, you said `Let us not stop here....' I could not believe it! You went on and explained the marriage so well.

"The explanation of the joining of the Spirit with our spirit, and then the explanation also of the soul with that new creation! The frosting on the cake came when I read and understood `It is in this, IN COVENANT, that one obtains the prize of the high calling in Christ or let us say, in this, one obtains MARRIAGE THE HIGH CALLING!' WOW!

"I understand! I am so full of amazement! I understand! I feel like Helen Keller must have felt when as her fingers moved under the liquid coming from the pump. SHE UNDERSTOOD that they were spelling out water.

"The mystery of it all! The wonder of it all! I UNDERSTAND! Thank you Lord Jesus! And thank you Elwin Roach." (Betty Jo Tocco, South Lyon, Michigan).

Elwin R. Roach

 


Home | Elwin's Directory | Margit's Directory

To receive our monthly studies in booklet form write to:

The Pathfinder
Elwin & Margit Roach
PO Box 4004

Alamogordo, NM 88311-4004