MARRIAGE -- THE HIGH CALLING

(Part 4)

FOR ALL

There are a great number of people today who view marriage as being nothing more than a bilateral agreement of cohabitation between a man and woman; or at most, they see it as a legal contract between two consenting adults who are going to try and make a life together. In the truest sense of the word, marriage is much more than either misconception. Namely, MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT OF LIFE AND DEATH. But first, let us notice something else before delving into this thought (in Part V of this series) and see why many marriages may fail. It is that allusive thing which makes the world go around, the thing called -- LOVE! Everybody thinks they know all about it, but few seem to have much understanding of it at all.

There are three words in the Greek language that have been commonly translated LOVE in the English -- AGAPE, PHILEO, and EROS. EROS is the type of "love" with which this generation is being constantly bombarded -- in their music, TV, and in their social life. Webster's Collegiate Dictionary gives this definition of Eros: "1 the god of love in Greek mythology 2 the aggregate of pleasure-directed life instincts whose energy is derived from libido 3 love directed toward self-realization." It is from this word that EROTIC comes, and the same dictionary's definition of this word is: "1 devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire 2 strongly affected by sexual desire."

Man in his natural state of being was made subject to eros, more accurately translated passion. In the proper sense there is nothing wrong with passion. Without it the world would never have been populated. Furthermore, it is probably eros that was stirring and caused most of us to be so attracted to our spouses in the first place. It is also with eros that our deep love can be expressed. Without passion marriages would become less than what it should be, and I am sure more than a few have fallen into the staleness of that subtle trap of little or no sex.

One of the problems we have today is that eros is the love that is most sought after in today's world, and due to our mental conditioning in our modern society it is so often confused as being the most important of all types of love. The truth of the matter is, it should be ranked as the least of other two -- and without those more important ones the passion of eros will soon erode to be replaced with contempt and repulsion. When this sets in there will be trouble on the horizon of the relationship. This is no doubt why we see so many short-lived, non marital relationships today. Too many of them have the roots of passion alone which can never produce the fruit of authentic, deep seated phileo or agape love.

By itself, and contained in a selfish person, this type of love, if we can call it love, is so demanding and self-satisfying that many times it will devolve into unrestrained lust. It is no wonder that the people of this age, especially our youth, are so promiscuous -- for this is what they are flooded with night and day, every day of the week, year after year, until they assume that it is the norm. However, anyone who has been married for a few years, if they have been paying attention, will know that if eros is the only love a couple has -- they don't have much.

As alluring as Hollywood paints the picture of erotic love, don't fall for such a flashy lie, for if you eat from that tree without the balancing factor of agape and phileo love, you will die a thousand deaths. You will never really know what love is.

The second type of love we will notice is PHILEO: It is a love of tender affection; as one loves or is fond of a friend. This type of love is also what causes a man to be pleasantly stimulated by his wife in all five areas of his senses; i.e. she smells good, feels good, sounds good, and looks good. She is pleasant company because she makes him feel good. He loves her like he loves apple pie.

Although phileo can be transformed into eros if one gives himself to it; phileo itself, however, is on more of a friendly, congenial relationship. Phileo is the type of Love Jesus expressed concerning John (Jn. 13:23 & 20:2). This friendship love is also found in marriage and is very important to its success, for it is this which causes a man or woman to enjoy the other's company. This friendly companionship affords continued joy, but we all know it is not the only thing the relationship should be founded on. For as time reveals, we all change to some degree or another with the passing of the years. The danger arises when we base our love on these changeable characteristics that we found to be so attractive in the beginning. In so doing, when our spouses change, the phileo love we had is in danger of changing to something less disirable.

The third type of love is AGAPAO: AGAPAO, and the corresponding noun agape, is the characteristic word of God's love for humanity; and those born of the Spirit of Christ are to likewise possess this same love. It was in the days of the New Testament of Jesus that the Holy Spirit began to speak of agape in a way that expanded not only the understanding of this word, but through our Lord and His people it has been openly demonstrated -- even unto death. He first made an open show of His unmerited love for the world with His death upon the cross for the multitude that day to witness. Afterwards, countless millions have followed Him in martyrdom. They have been thrown to the wild beasts of the arena, merciless torture chambers replaced their warm beds, and public executions by burnings, stonings, guillotines, hangings, and the like were common place for those who LOVED (AGAPE) their Lord. Until Jesus there was never a people who was so hated and viciously attacked; and until that time there was never a people who could love their persecuters and pray for the salvation of their souls. Jesus was the uniquely begotten, firstborn Son of God who instituted this agape love in the earth as never seen before, and all those born of that same Holy Spirit have carried His torch of undying love down to this day.

Agape has its origin in God Himself. It expresses the very nature of God, as I John 4:8 says -- "God is love (agape), and everyone that is born of God loves as He loves (I John 4:7-21). This love, the most powerful force in the universe, can be witnessed only when it brings forth the product of its root. God's love was seen almost two thousand years ago in the fruit of Himself (the gift of His Son). This love was not the love of complacency, or even of affection; that is, it was not drawn out of Him by any excellent thing that those He loved and His Son died for did on His behalf. On the contrary, they hated Him more than any man. They despised and rejected Him to the ultimate degree. They wagged their heads at Him in utter disgust, they beat Him, plucked out His beard, spat upon Him, stripped Him naked and nailed Him to a cross to slowly die the most shameful death.

It was while we were yet sinners that God commended His love (agape) toward us. Not only did Jesus show His love for us when he said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do (Lk. 23:34), but He supremely manifested it by submitting to the cross and dying on our behalf (Rom. 5:8). It was an exercise of the Divine will in deliberate choice, made without any reason except that which lies in the nature of Himself. God's Love had its perfect expression among men in the Lord Jesus Christ. It is the same Love that is the very fruit of His Spirit which is in all of those born of Him and produces joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, etc. (Gal. 5:22).

This Love, whether exercised toward people in general or toward one's spouse is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not run with the natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those of whom some affinity is discovered. Agape seeks the welfare of all (Rom., 15:2), much more so a spouse, and works no ill to any (Rom. 13:8-10); love seeks opportunity to do good to "all men, and especially toward them that are of the household of the faith," (Gal 6:10, I Cor. 13 & Col. 3:12-14).

In respect to agape as used of God, it expresses the deep and constant love and interest of a perfect Being towards unworthy objects, producing and fostering a reverential love in them towards the Giver, and helping others to seek the Giver. It is this love that Christ has for His Church, and it is this same love that Eph. 5:23 tells us that we are to have for our wives. (Definition of PHILEO & AGAPAO/AGAPE from Vine's Expository Dict. of Old and New Test. Words).

Can it now be seen what type of love a man should have for his wife, and the wife for her husband? Can it also be seen why the phileo/friendship love is not the love to base a marriage on? And especially, can it not be seen why the eros pales in the supreme Light of true LOVE/AGAPE?

Although agape is the one to have for the foundation of a marriage, we should never undermind the other two, for they are also of infinite importance. These three loves are like the three parts of a person. There is the spirit (the very life that gives a person their nature as being human), the soul (the character, will, emotions, & intellect), and the body (that which expresses the the spirit and soul). In conjunction with these three we have the three loves: agape which has its set in the spirit, phileo that resides in the soul, and eros which is found in the flesh. In the same manner that it takes all three parts of a person (spirit, soul & body) to make a person complete, it takes all three loves (agape, phileo & eros) to bring fulfillment to a marriage.

I can hear the question arising from some who are asking: "Are you saying that in order for me to love (agape) my wife I have to become a `Christian,' that I have to be `born of God'?" Not at all, for you see, everyone who is born into the world has this type of love in a measure. Every man, woman and child, excluding none, was born of Adam; and if we recall, Adam was made in the image and likeness of God (Gen. 1:26). This image and likeness, according to the Hebrew is only in part, however. The word for image is tselem which means a shade or a shadow. Likeness is translated from demuwth, and it is a word that means a model, a resemblance. Therefore, man's forefather, Adam, was not born but made as a shadow of God (the real thing, something with substance is what casts a shadow). He was also made as a model of God, rather than as a protype.

Therefore, although everyone coming into the world possesses the agape love of God, they only have it to the degree, to the degree a shadowy model of the real thing can have. Any man can have the deep, spiritual love that can only come from God, but without being born of the Spirit of Jesus Christ they will not be able to manifest it in the full expression of God's substance.

On the other hand, even though a person is born of God, this does not give them a free ticket to eternal bliss in their marriage. In order for this greater love to manifest itself, one has to give himself to it. He first has to know that from being born from above that the very person of the true God of Love is now joined to his spirit (forming a new creation). He then must submit to Him. In doing so Christ will begin to reign as not only the Lord of his life but also the Lord of the love of his life. It is then that his emotional love (phileo) and his physical love (eros) will take on a new meaning and ascend to heights unknown before. If he doesn't give himself to this love he will be in no better condition than those who give themselves to Eros, the god of sensual self-satisfaction.

When people are slaves of Eros, such a god will lower the two heavenly loves (agape & phileo) to its earthy plane of corruption. In turn, frustration will ensue; the fulfillment of life they are looking for will be lacking; and miserable lives, broken relationships and divorces will be the end product. However, when they are subjects of the God who is Love, Agape Love (I Jn. 4:16), they will find their two lower loves lifted and transformed to that same elevated realm.

Rather than the bedroom being on the earthy level of flesh it will become a sanctified act of love. It will become the sanctuary of the Holy of Holies. There will be no corruption therein, neither of the spirit, of the soul or of the body. The love for one another will reach its high crescendo of fulfillment. This fulfillment will not remain there alone, but it will be carried with the man and his wife into the days and years to come. Their homes will radiate with such life that their children will know no equal for the love and security of the garden created by their parents. Those who set their priorities of love in proper perspective -- agape, phileo, eros -- they will live a full life in every area. They will not only know what it is to have "heaven on earth" that the world is looking for, but they will take that heaven with them wherever they go. They will be an effective influence to everyone they come in contact with. There will be no end to the magnitude such love will grow to an effect the world. Rather than pain, and sorrow, and miserable suffering that the lustful love of eros produces, God's love of agape will bring great joy, it will heal all wounds, and it will inject infinite happiness into all the lives of those who yield to it. This can be accomplished to a degree with the universal spirit of God's love that everyone is born with; but to enjoy the fulness, to reach the mountain peaks of grandeur, to ascend beyond and into the heights of the heavens -- there must be more. These goals are reached with Him who is the fullness of God! They are reached with the One who can go into a high mountain of transfiguration or send the greatest of obstacles into the distant sea! They are reached with Him who has ascended above all heavens and is seated upon the throne supreme power! In other words, dear readers, the grandest of life's pleasures in marriage, or otherwise, are reached by, through, in, and with the Lord Jesus Christ -- the Messiah of God!

Elwin R. Roach

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